When She Smiles
by iwrite.org
Summary: Three years after her nightmarish experience, Mari finally begins to heal...
1. Chapter 1

I often wondered what I've done in my past life to be so lucky. I must have helped Lincoln come to his decision in 1776, or planted the liberating ideas into J.F.K's head, or wrote songs for Lennon and speeches for M.L.K. Whatever I did, it was paying off beautifully. In the early summer of 2011, I had already managed to graduate from the Rhode Island School of Design, least a galleria with money I saved by selling some paintings, and most importantly, I had just gotten engaged to the most beautiful woman alive. The sky was my limit. Little did I know, my sky was not as far as the average sky?

I met her through mutual friends at a birthday party on January 15th of this year, 2011. It was a small gathering held in a local café near Brown University. I'm usually a sports bar kind of guy so I didn't plan to stay there long. I arrived alone and made a beeline to the birthday girl just to hand her a gift of perfume wrapped horribly in a silk scarf. Ana and I were friends since we were little so I knew she wouldn't be disappointed in my decision to leave her party so early. To no surprise, Ana excused my casual rudeness and allowed me to leave with a clear conscience.

The place was already crowded and full of Ivy League brats with silver spoons, million dollar looks, and condescending attitudes. Not a place for a starving artist with a plastic spoon. I hated the music being played in the background. _Classical music should not be allowed on ipods or any technological devices made after the 90s. _As I was walking towards the exit of the café's door, I instinctively glanced to my right and saw her. My entire body froze and I had to meet this beautiful human. She was sitting in the corner all alone like a wallflower. Her eyes were off in a distance yet it still sparkled. A blonde with hair at neck's length and sapphire blue eyes had just grabbed my attention in a way no one ever has.

"Hi, I really want to tell you my name," I remember telling her before she introduced herself as Mari Collinsgworth. I was always a cocky son of a bitch. My confidence came from my parents and their constant build up of their future Pablo Picasso. I'm also an only child so I do not know how not to be the center of attention. Although, I never consider myself as a narcissist, my friends often diagnose me with the mental disease of being one. All in all, my arrogant approached towards Mari managed to win me her phone number.

I called her number as soon as I returned to my empty and half painted studio apartment. Walking into my place a conjoined living room and kitchen with a mini fridge and a two seated sofa as its only accessories greeted you at the door. My bedroom had only a mattress and closet full of canvases, paint, shoes, clothing, and broken laptops. I kept most of my sell worthy paintings in a storage. It was small yet cozy, just about the only place I've ever felt comfortable living. Looking back, I realized that calling Mari so soon was cheesy and the opposite of game playing. I was never one to play around. This girl was the one. She was leaving the party when I called and we ended up setting our first date in motion. Because I was a stranger to her, she insisted that we meet somewhere nice and in the open. I suggested that she and I attend an art show downtown, a show that I was already invited to days ago. "That sounds a little boring but ok, I guess it'll be fun…" I remember her agreeing in a stolen laughter.

The first few dates with Mari would consume my heart and I began falling in love incredibly fast. She was everything I ever wanted in a woman. She laughed at my ridiculously lame jokes and even made jokes within them. Every time I called her she came running. Mari had this grace about her presence that almost appeared angelic. I've never known a calmer person. It was as if she were on relaxation pills every time we interacted. Mari was quiet when we went in and shy when we went out, I loved that about her. I loved a lot about Mari Collingsworth. I loved her beautifully hidden smile, her soft and lavender scented hair, her passion for my art, and so much more. She was a pre-med major and worked her tail off to maintain an acceptable G.P.A at Brown. She taught me so much about the human anatomy. I taught her about art. She even redecorated my apartment by painting my walls "in color", she chose a dark purple and I went overboard by painting our faces on the wall. We took that on as a project that lasted an entire Saturday. That day in particular, was one of the most memorial moments in our relationship. _Relationship_...

I remembering calling Mari and I a "relationship" but Mari only referred to us as a "friendship". It wouldn't bother me until after out 7th date. Technically, it wasn't our 7th date because she was at my apartment almost every night. We would watch movies, play the wii, eat dinner, and I would even help her study. I confronted Mari on the "friendship" theory by taking her to my place and planting a kiss on her lips. That was the moment everything changed. I didn't realize how regrettable that action would be at that point. Looking back…

"_So is it me or did I overhear you tell someone that you and I have a rare friendship", I tease Mari while grabbing her hands gently. "It's true, Brennan, I really think that we have something rare. Lately I've been drowning myself in my studies and I had no time for life but you came and changed that. Altogether. I cannot tell yiou what these past few weeks have been for me," she confesses. For the following seconds after she admits this to me, I only stare at Mari, confusingly. I search her eyes for hope that she will say something remotely closer to love instead of friendship but to no avail. I bring her closer towards me by pulling her hands to my waist. I feel her shake terribly but I don't notice how bad until after I stick my tongue down her throat._

"_No you can't do this", I hear her scream as she pushes shockingly away. I look at her frame to see that it's violently shaken. What did I do? Tears swell her red eyes and she stares at me like I'm some monster. I try to think of something to reassure her but she's in a state of shock. Lost in the moment…She wasn't seeing me and she was becoming unrecognizable. We were now strangers to each other because of one stupidly unrequited kiss. "I'm sorry", it was the only right thing to say, "I scared you, and I didn't mean to, I'm sorry Mari." My words were true and as I poured them out sincerely. I could feel the tears form in my eyes as I desperately stared into her beautiful face. My pleas were somehow heard as Mari blinks her eyes back into the moment._

"_It's, it's late, I have to leave," she reveals before running off into the night, leaving me stricken with worry and extreme curiosity._


	2. Chapter 2

_**She's out of my life. She's out of my life. And I don't know rather to laugh or cry. I don't know rather to live or day and it cuts like a knife, she's out of my life. **_

After that night, I waited an entire day to give her some space, wishfully thinking she would contact me the next day.

It was hell without her. I couldn't stop thinking about her soft hands and how they would glaze my skin peeling hands from time to time. I couldn't stop smelling the lavender perfume she always wore. I saw her face every time my eyes closed and every time it opened. I began sketching her face just to keep her in my memory. I must have a hundred sketches of Mari's face. I missed her. I miss how she would stare at me for minutes while I would quiz her on the human body parts. I miss how she would stop my heart whenever she would walk into any door. There were times when I would get the urge to touch her when she would sit too close to me.

The next day came and went but no word from Mari. Another day passed and Mari still hadn't contacted me. I tried calling, texting, and even heading down to Brown to reach her but she became unreachable. When a whole week passed, I started going half crazy. I missed her too much to just give up on what little chemistry we had. If she was any other girl I've dated, I would have just kept moving. I spent my mornings researching Mari on social networks but she only had an undated twitter account. My days were devoted to badgering her friends on her whereabouts which was a waste because her friends knew nothing. Things were getting strange as her friends made it seem like Mari lived a double life. _"She's a private person, most of us are only friends with her on the surface, she never really talks about herself,"_ one friend revealed to me, and it was true.

Mari never talked about her past; it was always her present and future. One evening, I went home and binged on sleeping pills, it was something I did from time through time. When the over-the-counter sleeping pills would hit my bloodstream, for some reason unknown, my brain would overly focus on one thing. This time it focused on Mari's "secret life". _She never talked about her family, ever. Maybe she was an orphan, but wouldn't that be something she should have told me. I always told her about my past. I even confided in her about my insecurities that developed in middle school because of bullying. Maybe she didn't want to get too close to me because I'm Jewish. Could she be Anti-Semitic? No…She was too warm to hate anything. If I hadn't kissed her, would she be here now? Probably…I'm such an idiot. I have to find her, I just have too."_

_**And I will walk around this world to find her, and I don't care what it takes, no. I'll sail the seven seas to be near her, so if you happen to see her, tell her this for me: One more chance at love. **_

….

I allowed the cold snow to fall onto my curly black hair as I head out into the night. It was now Valentine's Day and weeks without Mari so I encouraged myself to go out and live. My hair had grown inches longer and I was a striking resemblance to Moses. My heart was hurting, my hands were frozen, my nose was red, and my feet brought me back home. When I arrived there, I realized that I left my cell on the sofa. I check my missed calls and to my surprise, Mari called. I kicked myself for not being available. _Fuck, I guess I thought she would never actually call back_. I hurry as fast as I could to return a call she made 3 hours ago, hoping she would answer.

"Mari," I ask seconds after the other line finish ringing.

"Brennan, hey…" she replies in an audible tone.

"I didn't think you wanted to ever hear from me again. It's nice to hear your voice."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, disappearing. I just needed to sort some things out."

"Like what," I pause for a few seconds but she doesn't answer. "Mari, if there is something you want to tell me, something important, then I won't judge you. I won't think of you in any other way. Ok? All I want is to stop missing you and in order to do that; you need to stay in my life."

I hear Mari chuckle from the other line. It was good to hear her laugh. The late of the night forbidden her to leave her dorm room so we agreed to meet tomorrow morning for breakfast. I wished her a happy valentines and she did the same. I wanted to talk with her longer but I guess I could wait for the morning.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning I sat in my living room admiring the self portrait of myself and Mari on the walls. The Rhode Island snow amuses me through my only window. The birds chirp loudly as they migrate to a much warmer climate. I felt that this day would be a good day. I make plans in my head to walk up to the roof later and paint the snowy Rhode Island town. To avoid intense anticipation, I get up from the couch and walk into the kitchen to brew coffee. Before I can turn the coffee pot on, I hear knocking at my door. _It was her, it was Mari._

"Hey," she greets me at the door with that hidden smile. "Come in, please," I hear my voice trying hard to sound less needy. She enters and heads straight for the sofa. Before I sit spaces next to her, I close my apartment door for privacy. For minutes, we sat there in silence. I decided not to speak first and wait until she does. I can hear her breathe in normal breaths as my respiration intensifies from nervousness. Ber familiar lavender scent sends tingles up and down my back. I feel her watching me as my eyes focuses shyly on my dark grey carpet floor. This causes my heart to pound loudly and I wonder if she hears the beat, the thuds. I couldn't take it anymore.

"About the other night, or the other month, I'm not clear on how long it was…Mari I want to personally apologize for that kiss. I should have asked your permission, I won't make excuses but I thought you felt that way because I know I do, I mean I did." I reveal while looking straight into her beautiful blue eyes. Carefully I watch as she hesitates to speak. There was something in her eyes that's always been there since I met her, but I'm just discovering what it is truly; something horrible, something hidden, something dark, and something heinous.

"You remind me of my brother," she begins to finally open up about her life, "you even look like him and um….my brother, Ben. He died a few years ago and I miss him everyday…I would never try to substitute you in the place of my brother but because of your striking similarities, I realized it would be a really, really bad idea if I just cut you out of my life so early," she pours out in exasperation.

"I'm just so relieved that you are even talking to me about your family. I'm so sorry about your brother, death is a horrible tragedy. When I lost my uncle to cancer, it cut me like a knife…We're you and your brother close."

"He was my best friend, my biggest fan, and we were inseparable."

"May I ask how he…"

"He was involved in a car accident, the other driver was high on drugs and my brother happened to be the one impacted worse."

Mari eyes light up as she speaks of her brother. As for me, I'm sitting on the sofa looking at this wonderful human being in a different light. I feel a sense of comfort come over me as she lets me in her world piece by piece. I decide to continue digging into her family tree to keep up the rhythm.

"Do you have any other siblings or are you an only child like me."

"It was just me and Ben. Another reason we were so close."

"You never talk about this stuff to me. What about your parents? Who are they? Where are they from, where are you from," I babble anxiously.

"My parents are living in Europe. My dad works at a clinic in Berlin; he's a doctor and my mom writes children books. She was a college professor but I guess she values writing over teaching. "

"Are you close to your parents?"

Mari takes in this question and stares at her hands with a long pause. I can't read the reaction on her face because it's beyond blank_. Did I say something wrong? Here I am again, overstepping._

"If it wasn't for my parents, I would not be sitting here today…I owe them my life," Mari's head faces mine as her haunting eyes look into mine. Usually when someone tells me they owe another their lives, I never take it in literal terms. However, the way Mari's words slid firmly off of her tongue, I had to wonder what she meant. "Mari, I want to know you everything about you, from the moment you were born to now," I sound like an overactive 7 years old. "I'm not that interesting Brennan, not at all," she confesses with an innocent smile.

"Anyone who says that their life isn't interesting usually means the opposite which is, their life is interesting," I slouch down into the couch fully comfortable and assured now that Mari's back into my bubble. Unfortunately, just as my body relaxes, her body tense up. Looks like I've bit another button. "I'm as normal as you are," she reveals. I laugh to lighten the mood, "We'll you're normally weird because that's how normal I am." I'm at ease when I hear her beautiful laughter escape from her heart.

I decide to discontinue the investigating of Mari Collingwood and just enjoy her presence. She didn't stay as long as I wanted her to stay. After all, it was after midnight and I was hopeful because I would see her tomorrow and the next day, and the next day after that, and so on. I ended up falling to sleep on my sofa with my head lying on the spot where Mari sat. It smelled like her and I know it's creepy but it was my lullaby for the night.


	4. Chapter 4

The passing weeks, everything between Mari and I went back to normal. Sure we were still "just" friends hanging out on a daily basis but I was one million percent more in love. I could tell that she liked me as well but it wasn't until last weekend when I realized that_ like _was something more.

We were out bowling with some of my friends when my ex girlfriend Bailee shows up coincidentally. Now, Bailee Adler and I had been dating for two years but ended the romance when she found someone other guy with a bigger bank account. Ok, that's not the only reason she left me but it is the only reason that matters. Continuing, Bailee and the guy are supposedly broken up and hearing it through the grapevine, she wants me back. The way she couldn't keep her hands and eyes off of me sort of convinced me that she indeed wants me back. Shameless.

_"Hey, you're up. If you get at least a spare then we win the game, so don't feel the pressure," I tell Mari as I wait for her precious laughter. "Right," she fires back with a hint of non chalant concern in her voice. Something was not right with her and after this incredibly weird night, I think I knew her damage. _

_I watch her bowl the smaller pink bowling ball down as it aimed for a strike. It was Mari, myself, and my long time friend Reggie who were on team against Bailee, and my two former roommates, Sean and Hayden. When Mari's strike won the game, Reggie and I cheered as I watched Mari quickly engage in a conversation with Bailee. My heart slightly pounded faster than it should when Mari grabbed her coat, purse, and stormed out without saying goodbye. All in five minutes or so._

_"What did you say to her," I quickly confront Bailee who's facial expression is as puzzled as mines. Shaking my head, I graze pass Bailee and rush out the door, hoping to catch Mari before it's too late. The night air was cold and the fog was deep and shallow. The bowling alley was the only building with lights in the middle of abandon buildings, trees, and stray animals. My vision was magnificent as I spot Mari heading to her car. She was upset and I had some explaining to do._

_"Are you leaving? Don't leave," I beg. She opens her car door but turns to me, giving me her undivided attention. "Brennan, I don't belong here. I mean, these are your friends and that's perfectly normal if you wanna hang out with them but this was a bad idea," she confesses. I don't understand her logic but I weigh in anyway, "this is about Bailee? She and I are over," I conclude. Mari's sudden yet calming smile surprises me, "this is not about her. I honestly didn't have a good time tonight. Next time, maybe we should just hang out alone. I'm sorry, I have to get back to the dorm. Goodnight Brennan."_

_I watch her drive away into the fog, praying that she makes it back to her dorm safely. When I can no longer see the back lights of her car, I walk back into the building confused. Maybe she wasn't jealous of Bailee. Maybe she just didn't have a good time. I know I asked her to come tonight and she came relentlessly. Everytime we went out, even with just the two of us, she would never appear to be enjoying herself. I'm not an extrovert and I am far from a socialite but I do enjoy getting out from time to time. Mari, however, seems to hate it all together._

_As I inch my way back inside, I meet Bailee at the door. Before I can apologize for accusing her of sending Mari off, she begins to speak. "Mari seems to really like you Brenn. I mean not every girl would push another girl on someone they obviously care for," Bailee's words shock me. "What are you talking about?" I follow Bailee back outside warming up my frozen white fingers. "She likes you Brenn. She told me so. She says something about me being a better person for you than she and all that junk. Guess she saw all that flirting you did with me tonight and gave up," Bailee teases. I grab her right shoulder with my left hand and stop her from getting to her car. "Listen, you were the only one doing any flirting tonight Bailee and I'm not curious to know why. All I want to know is this. What the hell were you saying to Mari in there?" I want answers but in the usual Bailee Adler fashion, all I get is the back of her head, legs, and feet as she walks away._

_I get home an hour later wondering what Mari meant by pushing Bailee into my arms (if it even happened that way). Could it be that Mari wants me to be with Bailee so my focus can switch? Does she think that she isn't enough for me and that Bailee is? I wreck my brain with questions. Or, is it so that she likes me like I like her but is too shy to make any moves? Because if she told Bailee to persue me then that means she's running away from me. And if she's running away from me then that means that she likes me. She likes me!_

After that weekend, last weekend, Mari only called me but never came over. I didn't let this bother me as I would have previously because I had my own thing going on at this time. I was selected to paint a self protrait of the Senator's first born son. An honor in which took up about all my time. For nine days, I ate dinner, went golfing, attended social events, and painted with the political, rich, famous, and infamous citizens of Rhode Islands. My parents were so proud they threaten to come down from Utah to visit but luckily grand dad was undergoing hip surgery.

The last day and the final touchings of a sleeping baby Thomas's protrait, the senator's wife invited me to a very luxiourious resturant. A resturant where you have to wear suits, ties, and ball gowns just to eat breakfast. A resturant where the eggs cost over one hundred bucks. A resturant that I would critize in laughter with Mari whenever we would talk again. However, the food was amazing, I didn't have to pay a dime, and it was my chance to grab some other rich clients.

The Senator's wife got up to powder her nose, leaving me alone at the table with her black card, in case the server brings the check. As I gaze at all the pampered faces, I notice a rather strange thing. A guy wearing black sitting alone at a table. It was strange because he didn't have on a suit nor tie. He looked as if he was a normal guy from a rock band. By mistake, I lock eyes with him but rapidly look away. His eyes were cold, like a serial killer's, but sad like an abused child. I now focus on the server who's walking towards me with the check.

"The check sir," he says as he hands me the bill. "One hundred and fifteen dollars? And there are little African children starving for five cent rice," I say, getting a laugh out of the older server who looks as if he's spent his better years serving the ungrateful wealthy. "I'll be right back with your card, sir." I stand to my feet, preparing to just grab the card, and meet the Senator's wife outside. I was more than ready to get home and hit up the online stores with all this money I've made. Within seconds later, the server brings back the card.

I speed out of the closed up yet elegantly decorated resturant and into the hall that leads to the foyer. I decide to wait for the Senator's wife there. I watch the passerby's in their minks, and furs as they greet me like i'm their equal for about three minutes. "Ah, Mr. Gross. Did you pay for our amazing lunch," I hear the Senator's wife ask. I turn to her with a calm nodding of my head, "Yes, ma'am. Thank you so much for lunch," I say graciously. "Did you tip him," my mouth drops as I didn't expect that question. Picking my mouth up, I nod no as I watch her face turn to dissappointment, "I forgot. Excuse me," I say before making my way back into the resturant.

"A tip? A tip really? You pay hundreds of dollars on things that normal people pay two bucks on and you're worried about a tip? Classic," I say out loud as I rush down the ever so elegant halls. When I get closer, I discontinue talking loudly to myself, and take out ten bucks from my own wallet. I usually tip two dollars so this is a come up for myself. I stand by the host's (who isn't there) stand to spot our waiter but I don't see him anywhere.

My eyes then focuses on the customers and I try to spot the weird guy wearing no suit. He's still there but he's now talking to some blonde chick who's also in regular clothes. This place isn't as fancy as I thought or as they put on, "wait a second!" I say out loud as my entire body feeds off of the nervousness in my stomach. I squinch my eyes to make clear of the visual and when I do, I realized that the blonde sitting with the weird guy was _Mari?_


	5. Chapter 5

I arrived home rolled up in a ball of confusion. After staring at the gentle touches, caring nods, and that sweet kiss Mari gave the strange guy in the fancy resturant, I decided I had enough. I said my goodbyes to the senator's wife, avoided the cab she paid to take me home, and just opted to walk instead. The resturant was about forty-five minutes away from my apartment but I just didn't care. The bad thing? The rain attacked me from the gloomy skies and I was soaked. I was soaked, I was feeling betrayed and I was definitely confused. It was like a bad romantic movie from the eighties.

Mari had a boyfriend. Mari was taken. Mari would probably never be mine.

I refused to call her and confront what I saw. I was angry. I saw her kiss his cheeks, caress his arms, and look into his eyes deeper than she has ever looked into mine. There was a connection between them so strong. A stranger could tell that those two had something special, something untouchable. In some ways, a stranger did. I was the stranger, however. I had no idea who Mari really was and I was growing weary of trying to find out.

Heading to my shower, I tear off my clothes and allow the water to fall warmly on my shivering body. I could have the cold by now, dealing with soaking wet clothes. I scrub my body just enough to erase the filth, stinch, and bacteria off. It doesn't take that long to clense myself and when I'm done, I finally shave the Moses beared I've been sporting for weeks. It's always liberating to exfoliate.

It's been a long day. I crash on my sofa waiting for sleep to take me over. One minutes passes. Five minutes passes. Forty-five minutes passes. An hour or so passes. Nothing. Where are you sleep? I sit up and realizes the heavy burden weighing on my mind. It's keeping me up and I won't sleep until it's lifted. I have to call Mari.

"Hey Bren," I hear her soft voice through the other line and my heart melts. Pausing for thirteen seconds, I try to think of the words to say but fail. "Brennan, are you ok?" The sound of my breathing vexes me, "hey," I finally speak.

"Is everything ok," she continues the conversation.

"I'm ok. I just can't sleep. What are you doing?"

"I'm in bed. Not sleeping, just doing some homework."

"How was your day?"

"It was ok, I guess. How was yours?" Her voice becomes suspicious.

"Mari. I have to be honest to you about something ok?"

Clearing her throat, "Ok."

"I saw you today. I saw you at that resturant, um I think it's called Guza's? You were with this guy and I just want to know if he's-"

Mari stops me firmly, "I'll come over. We can talk then."

The line goes dead. Whoever this person was, he was important enough to deserve a face to face introduction. This made me feel both relieved and worried. It made me feel relieved because I build up the urge to ask, she wasn't offended, and the weight was lifted. It made me worried because that guy could actually be her boyfriend and where would I stand? On the bright side, if she had a boyfriend then she wouldn't be spending so much time with the Brenmister. On the dark side, the guy was probably in the army and returned all of a sudden.

I agonized as the minutes of waiting transpires. I'm wearing only a robe so cover my body with a grey t-shirt and cookie monster pajama pants. I grab a drink of o.j from my vacant fridge and drink the entire pint. I walk back towards the sofa and slouch down. I laugh out loud as I feel sleep in my bones. _Of course I get sleepy now, when Mari's on her way_. Closing my eyes, I try to imagine the impending conversation between myself and Mari. It, of course, ends with her fucking my brains out. I'm ashamed at the thought of Mari and I having sex because of her innocent childlike self. I realize that I often have fantasies of Mari and I in various sexual positions. I chose not to entertain any of those dirty thoughts of such a clean person.

One knock. Three knocks. I hope up to get the door to find something I wasn't expecting.


	6. Chapter 6

As the door swings open from my alarming push, I gasp at the sight. In an instant, I feel like I've enter a twlight zone. Blinking my eyes repetitiously, I'm at a lost for words, once again. "Hi. Can we come in?" I hear his voice but never thought to match that voice with that face. I imagined his voice being deep and haunting. A strong baritone that screamed confidence and power. Instead, his voice appears audibly weak, like a scared teenage boy.

My door isn't cracked open. My door is halfway open. "We?" I finally open my mouth after staring down the weird guy from the fancy resturant. I'm confused as to why he would ask if "we" could come in when all I see standing in my hallway was _him_. I didn't know this guy and I wasn't about to let him into my apartment, friend of Mari or not. I realize that i'm sweating nervously. My mind wonders why Mari would lie and agree to come over to talk in person but send her strange friend instead. Suddenly my heart finds its normal rhythm when I hear, "it's ok Bren, Justin's cool."

Mari's tiny frame was standing behind the tall and heavier weighted guy. I was so focused on the guy (apparently named Justin) that I never noticed Mari. She escapes from Justin's shadow and invites herself inside my apartment, in which Justin follows. I stand in the doorway incredibly puzzled. I needed answers! "Justin? Wait? Who are you?" I become flustered and begin repeating the same questions as the two guest make themselves comfortable in my apartment. The door closes mysteriously and I find myself closed up in a room with not one but two strangers.

Mari is becoming more and more of a stranger to me even though I try not to admot that cold hard fact. "Justin is my brother Brennan...Not biologically but in every other way that matters...My parents adopted him three years ago. He lives in Boston, he's a student at M.I.T. He's here visiting me for a few days."

My mouth drops after I hear myself say, "I don't believe you."

The look of stupefaction washes over Mari's beautiful face as she takes in the first negative feedback I've given her since we met, "you don't believe me?" Mari's words comes out in a tiny voice and my heart loses control.

"I tell you everything about me. I tell you my birthday, my astrological sign, my fears, my goals, my past. My past, especially my past. My family, friends, relationships. My feelings for you Mari...You never tell me anything except that I remind you of your brother Ben, who died because of a drunk driver. You don't like people who drive drunk-you didn't tell me that but I can concur it...You-you never let me in and now he's your adopted brother. You expect me to believe this and just accept it...We've been in this? Whatever it is? A friendship..Yes, a friendship. We've been here for weeks and I just don't feel as if I know who you are but you know me. And that's not fair..."

I slouch onto the middle of the same sofa Justin and Mari were already sitting comfortably. For a second, I glance at Mari's hands. When I was a boy I would always prepare myself for the wind to blow the leaves on the cypress trees. I loved to see the gentle wind shake the leaves as if it would make them dance. Her hands were like the leaves on those cypress trees, nonetheless, the wind that blew to shake her hands were not as gentle. Yet, her hands did dance to a painful melody. What was that melody?

"I'm sorry-I..." Mari interupts my sudden apology with a soft touch on my forearm. She nods once towards Justin as if she's giving him the 'okay' to lead the conversation. Staring into Justin's cold dead eyes, I wait for him to say something. Anything. However, minutes of silence pass and I get agitated, once more, with the cat and mouse game their playing. "Mari-..," I silence myself as I face a tear face drowning Mari. I've never seen her like this before. Her tears continued to flow as she roughly wiped them with the soft tissue from her purse. "What's wrong?" _I wonder_.

"You ever heard the story about the modern day Bonnie and Clyde..?" Justin turns his attention away from Mari and towards me after asking that question. I assume his question has something to do with why Mari's so upset so I humor him, "which one? I mean there are so many."

"I'm talking about the one involving the missing girl Paige Daley in Westport, Connecticut? Kruger Joseph and Sadie Hennings?" The story Justin tells comes to my mind with familiarity, so I only nod in agreement as Mari clenches tightly to my arm.

"I know the story. They killed two cops, turned around and killed a young girl-Paige Daley. Stabbed her to death and just left her in the woods...Then they're never caught, no one ever see them again. I know the story, I mean, who doesn't know the story. Kinda scary, like a real horror movie." As I elaborate with Justin to direct him faster to his point in bringing the mythical story up, I can't help but to glance at Mari from time to time.

The story of Paige Daley was more horrorifying than sad to me because her killers were never caught. There was so many different stories of what actually happened to Kruger and Sadie around that time. Some said that the couple left town and changed their identity. Others believe that the two killed themselves in a way that there would be no way of finding their bodies. I always thought that they never really left town and that they were still in those woods. Wherever they are, whoever they were wasn't really relevent to who Justin was or why Mari keeps her life so hidden. Or was it?


	7. Chapter 7

As Justin and I continue to elaborate on the sick tale of the modern day Bonnie and Clyde, Mari's eyes drift off into another place. My attention falls on her after she lets out the saddest sigh I've ever heard. For a long moment, everyone is in silence. I felt as if there was an elephant in the room but at the same time, I feel that a bomb is about to drop. "Why are you telling me this," I turn to Justin while trying not to allow my eyes to fall of Mari's.

Justin notices the confusion in my eyes and allows his sympathy to show. Tilting his head so that his long black hair would stop bothering his vision of site, Justin lets out a brief sigh, "look, you're obviously someone very important to my sister...Very important to her if she asked me to tell you about this." It's funny how the human heart reacts to anticipation. The blood in your veins runs warm but that feeling is only abstract. Beads of sweat form on your forehead but you only notice that if you touch the salty fluid. The heart, however, the heart's reaction to anticipation is the most obvious. Fast. Disorderly.

I listen as my heart frantically beats for something that I have no knowledge yet of knowing. For something that is apperantly a difficult perception. The sound of thuds. Thuds, and then some more thuds. More thuds. Thuds until, "Kruger Joseph..." Justin's voice managed to stop the pounding for a second. However, the long pause he takes after saying Kruger Jospeh's name does not help the additional pounding loudly in my ear.

Justin's cold eyes becomes sad and mysterious as tears begin to form. My eyes focuses on both him and Mari at this point. In some way, Mari tries to disguise her tears by covering her eyes with her blonde hair. It's as if she doesn't want me to see her cry and also, she doesn't want me to see her, at all. "Mari? Why are you?...Whatever it is guys? Just tell me, don't leave me in all this suspense," I cry. To my surprise, Mari lifts her sullen head and, "you have to be patient. You have to hear us as clear as possible." _What was she talking about?_ "Brennan you're rare. Beside,...besides Justin, they're are no guys like you exsisting anymore...What-what we're about to tell you is something that you can't repeat and I know you won't because I can trust you. I can trust you with my life...You're a good person Brennan," Mari concludes through sobs.

"Kruger Joseph...I'm his son.."

The blow came to me like a punch in the face. At this point i'm afraid. I'm taken back. _His son? _Before I could collect any other emotions for this shocking revelation, Mari interjects.

Taking a tiring stand, "I knew the girl. I knew Paige Daley, she was my best friend...She was brave, and she was incredibly courageous even in her most frightening moments...She always protected me and she pretty much died...for me." Mari's legs begin to wiggle as they become weak and I jump up to catch her before she falls. With my hands gripping her waist, I allow her light weighted body to sway towards mines. Impulsively, I watch for Justin's reaction but there is none. "I got you...Do you need water? Are you okay?" My voice appears shaken but I need to hide any emotions that i'm owning at this minute because Mari has something more relevent to reveal.

"I'm fine. I just need to sit down.." Mari gently takes a seat back in the same spot she leap from while glaring at Justin from the corners of her green eyes. "She was just an innocent girl, we both were. But they didn't care because we saw them. We knew who they were and they were nnot going to let us just go..." Mari's voice becomes filled with distain and disgust but I choose not to interrupt as a billion questions swim through my head. As she talks, Mari's glass eyes are focusing on the floor as well as Justin's. They both stare off into another place. I can tell that wherever they are, is somewhere they rather not be. I can coclude that the only reason they're in that place is because they need me to be there with them. They need me to see what they've saw and I don't think I want to.

"It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault despite anything he told you," Mari softly says to Justin as the two lost souls slowly make eye contact. I stand in this living room alone as they seem to tell this story for the first time out loud. I'm just a gateway, I suppose, because to them, i'm no longer in the room. Whatever is going to be said has to be said and i'm just glad that I get to be here for Mari. I know that i'm now sitting in this room with the son of a serial killer and the friend of his victim. I know that I can consider them strangers but not for long. I find myself trusting these two kindred spirits. I find myself wanting to help both of them. However, with this intense conversation going, I have no other choice other than to allow them full disclosure.

In a way, I believe me being the third party helps because Justin and Mari couldn't possibly battle this out alone. They obviously have this harmless yet sordid connection. _Justin's father murdered Mari's best friend. How did they meet? I wonder how Mari knows and did Justin tell her? Wait. Didn't Mari say that Paige saved her life? I'm so confused...I guess I'll just have to wait and listen. But if they keep talking in riddles, I will have to ask..._

"Yes it was," Justin whispers. Mari shakes her head, "No."

"I didn't think they would be back," Justin continues.

"Doesn't matter," Mari annoyingly replies, as if she's heard those words from Justin too many times.

"He killed Paige, him and Francis, and he..he raped you," Justin confesses.

My head spins around. My heart pounds faster than a speeding bullot. Again, I don't get enough time to take in this revelation because Mari and Justin continue their confrontation.

"He shot you and he left you to die and so did I. I'm just as a monster as my father was," Justin confesses.

Wiping her read swollen eyes, Mari turns her attention directly on Justin, whose eyes turns in the oppisite direction. "That's not true. Justin, you didn't have a choice. You were a victim, you were terrified. Just as terrified as Paige and me...You saved my father's life!" Mari cries as she tries to persuade her adopted brother of his innocence.

"Everytime you or your parents tell me that I still can't force myself to feel that way...It all could have been avoided if I had just left you and Paige alone at that store. I knew what Krug was capable of, even still, I should have stopped him that day..." Justin's tears finally falls from his glass stain eyes.

Mari grabs Justin's hand to comfort him as they both cry and relive an unimaginable experience. "I keep thinking...If I would have just not caused that wreck they would have let us go," Mari confesses shakingly.

As I watch them recollect the horror of their story, I can't help but to notice their uncertainty. For Justin, his uncertainty is the fact of guilt. Could he have prevented what happened? Could he have stopped his father from murdering Mari's friend? Mari, however, is uncertain that Justin could have or could not have helped them escape. She will never say the words out loud. She would never blame Justin due to his own struggle with guilt.

What I understand, at this point, is more than I have ever understood about Mari. All this time, I wondered countless number of nights and days about Mari's enigmatic persona. The doubts of me not being her type whenever she would flinch if I touched her in certain places. That kiss I force on her all those weeks ago, my confession of love, her decision of pairing me up with my ex, the way she was always guarded when I asked about her past, and just about every single detail of Mari Collingwood was beginning to make sense at this moment.

"You called out my name, you were begging me to help you. He was crushed on top of you-" before Justin can finish his statement, Mari quickly shuts him up with, "he gave you a chance to hurt me but you didn't. I will never forget that."

The look Justin gives Mari is heartwrenching. He hopes she could forget everything about that day. The words never come out but I hear them loud and clear and so does Mari. After more minutes of sobs and silence I decide to grab Justin a beer and Mari a bottle water from the fridge. Justin doesn't drink so I drink his beer before handing them both water. Minutes of silence turns into hours of silence. I had no idea what to say because I didn't feel I had as much right anymore. They obviously needed to get those things out and they needed a trusted third party on the outside to be present. The voices in my head were holding their own conversations. It was really hard to thiink straight after multiple bombshells like I've heard tonight. But. I have to say something. I have to be included because I loved Mari too much to be invisible right this moment.


End file.
